Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
All I want is dick and wine.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
