I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
