Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
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she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
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BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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