I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
