whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
