So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
