Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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