Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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