I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
