I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
