...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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