So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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