Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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