I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
