someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
