Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
is wine microwaveable?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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