i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
