I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
