Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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