I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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