Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
