my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
