Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
