i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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