Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
