Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
