what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
