I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
its not stalking. its research.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
