Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
