I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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