I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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