Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
