fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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