Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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