:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
