Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
