She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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