she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
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I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
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A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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