You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
