Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Semen is not good for contacts.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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