I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
