Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
