Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
