My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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