i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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