the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
