you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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