Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
