We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
