I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
