I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
