Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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