I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I need a beard to bite.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
