I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
