Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
