You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
