I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
