Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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