I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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