Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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