i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
