I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
