I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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