to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
