somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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