Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
