who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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