I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
