Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
