I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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