I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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