Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
