I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
