Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
